In an effort to gain more knowledge about the biblical role of a wife, the biblical role of a husband, I was given an assignment by one of my accountability partners. She wanted me to study love, respect, and submission and how it plays a major part in your life especially in marriage. It was interesting as I began this study how many people said, "well you aren't married so why are you doing this?" or someone else dared to say, "what would you know because you aren't married." My response was simple, you prepare before your arrival. Parents don't wait to gather items for the baby on the day of the delivery. A fireman doesn't go into a burning house without prior training, nor does one get married without knowledge of Gods intention for marriage as well as the principles He instructs through the word of God. So in my journey of singleness, I have discovered that I have to gain knowledge on who God's called me to be, get an understanding of who and what my husband should be, and how I can learn to work the "tools" before I have to use the "tools."
Throughout the old and new testament you will see the word love in many scriptures. Love has many meanings. Love can mean affectionate, benevolent, romantic, a strong liking towards something or someone and sexual implications. In the book of Genesis 4:25 (NIV)25 Adam made love to his wife again, and she gave birth to a son and named him Seth,[a] saying, “God has granted me another child in place of Abel, since Cain killed him.” Love in this scripture can be implicated in a sexual manner. In another scripture, love was shown in a romantic yet sacrificial manner the way the man expressed his love and how he was willing to make a sacrifice for her and that's in Genesis 29:18 (KJV)18And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. He worked another seven years for her which only felt like a few days to him because of his love for her. We continue to see love expressed when we obey Gods commandments and keep them, He promises to keep His covenant of love with us. He reminds us this in Deuteronomy 7:9 (AMP)9Know, recognize, and understand therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, Who keeps covenant and steadfast love and mercy with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations.This love was to be shown by serving God and obeying His commands (Deuteronomy 10:12-13, Joshua 22:5). When you love you are walking in obedience, keeping his commands, decrees and laws; you will increase and God will bless you in the land your entering & possessing. Yet in the New Testament we are reminded that Christ loved us so much that He died on the cross for our salvation, John 3:16 (KJV)16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Sometimes sacrificing ones own life by setting aside your own agenda to take care of someone else's needs like your husbands or your wife's can express the love you have for them. John 15:13 (KJV)13Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. This is offering whats most precious to you so that we can embrace what is most precious to God. When we learn how God wants us to love others, we will "lay down" our lives daily by giving ourselves in self sacrificial love. Gods love is unfailing. Now lets take a look at respect and what God says about respect.
A book called Love and Respect by Emerson states that women need love and men need respect. I want you to think about it this way, love best motivates a women and respect powerfully motivates a man. People can learn how to motivate each other if they understand what needs may need to be met. The bible reveals in Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) that a wife's respect for her husband is as powerful as her husbands love for her. You never want to speak words that have the potential to wound your spouse. Your words can wound someone and the next time that you may try to give an affirming word it can not penetrate in his or her heart because they now feel as if they have to guard their heart. Your words
now fall on stony ground. So we must always be mindful of the words that come out of our mouths. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Prov.18:21). You are either speaking words that kill or give life, poison or fruit, you choose! A wife's respect can soften her husbands unloving reactions and the way the husband loves his wife can soften her disrespectful ways.
Only the husband is commanded to agape love (agape love is the unconditional or godlike love). God designed women to nurture and love more naturally at the level of intimacy then a man. Naturing is a great desire God's placed in us. By all means this doesn't mean a man or a father can't nurture. Since men don't naturally love this way at the level of intimacy, then ladies should understand that this will be a work in progress in your marriage. What a women does by God's design a husband must do under divine command by God with greater works. So contrary to this, God commands a women/wife to respect her husband. God doesn't command this for a husband because God's designed him to live by a honor code in which he should naturally conduct himself respectfully. Bottom line is that love comes easier to women, while respect comes easier for men, but Ephesians 5:33 is a unconditional command to both husband and wife.
Now lets dig deeper into something that some seem to automatically refer to as a women's place in a marriage or the way that she must relate to her husband and this is submission. The reality is that this is a principle we all must abide by whether we are single or married, male or female. For example, daily we submit to our employers, when we drive we submit to civil authority, to those whom we have established relationships with and this also defiantly includes spiritual leaders(Hebrews 13:17).When we look at the word of God, because there are chains of authority/commandments. First we submit to God, then laws of our government and then into the family. Submission means to put yourself, your knowledge, opinions, feelings and energy at the disposal of another. The prefix of "sub" meaning under, it can also mean putting yourself under the mission of another. Submit means to "retire, withdraw, yield or obey." Submitting to God is the foundation for submission to others. I believe in order for submission to be effective one must be willing and able to adapt. You have to change the way that you think and the way you correspond. Anyone can be haughty, prideful and independent. Submission is not for the weak.
A powerful key scripture for a successful marriage is Ephesians 5:21 "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Gods intention for marriage is that a husband leads and a wife submits to that leadership. This does not mean that you treat your spouse like a doormat or abuse them in any way. This goes for each respected parties. Allowing your husband to lead is a way that you can show honor to God and your husband. As a wife you want to make sure that you allow your husband to carry the mantel of leadership in your household. There is a beauty when you are helping complete and not compete with your spouse. We have to be submitted as unto the Lord. Even if you feel as if your husband is wrong about something, God can cover the situation and make it turn out right if you are willing to let go and trust God in all situations/circumstances. If you don't trust and submit to God first, then the minute your husband makes a "mistake" you will fall apart. You don't have to worry about your husband if he is wrong. I believe that if my husband is wrong, the power on my life convicts him and he will be quick to make things right. Always retreat to the Word that's hidden in your heart. The husband submits by reverencing the Word of God and not doing his own thing. Husband carry the burden of responsibility regarding submission in a marriage. They are directly accountable to God. Lets look at some practical keys women can use to submit unto their husbands;
A powerful key scripture for a successful marriage is Ephesians 5:21 "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Gods intention for marriage is that a husband leads and a wife submits to that leadership. This does not mean that you treat your spouse like a doormat or abuse them in any way. This goes for each respected parties. Allowing your husband to lead is a way that you can show honor to God and your husband. As a wife you want to make sure that you allow your husband to carry the mantel of leadership in your household. There is a beauty when you are helping complete and not compete with your spouse. We have to be submitted as unto the Lord. Even if you feel as if your husband is wrong about something, God can cover the situation and make it turn out right if you are willing to let go and trust God in all situations/circumstances. If you don't trust and submit to God first, then the minute your husband makes a "mistake" you will fall apart. You don't have to worry about your husband if he is wrong. I believe that if my husband is wrong, the power on my life convicts him and he will be quick to make things right. Always retreat to the Word that's hidden in your heart. The husband submits by reverencing the Word of God and not doing his own thing. Husband carry the burden of responsibility regarding submission in a marriage. They are directly accountable to God. Lets look at some practical keys women can use to submit unto their husbands;
Practical keys you can put into action by Submitting
- recognizing your husbands authority
- keeping God first
- managing to the best of your abilities the responsibilities your husband has delegated you to handle
- willingness in showing respect and honor to your husband at all times.
- daily working on respecting your husband
- building your husband up so he always feels empowered
- assisting your husband in fulfilling the God given vision for the household
- being the helpmate in developing him be the man Gods called him to be
These biblical submission and practice in your marriage will make for a greater marriage, a happier husband and a happier wife. When you submit you are protecting your husbands manhood. Respect + leadership = manhood. When you submit you can use your power in a wise way and in doing so you are building your husband up. You have to always be willing to follow and cheerfully allowing your husband to lead you and the family. You never want to hinder but always help. Allow the Holy spirit to work in your husbands life and don't attempt to take the job of the Holy Spirit. When you are helping you are allowing Gods purpose and plan to be fulfilled in your life and your spouses life. Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church, wives respect your husbands, and submit to one another and most importantly submit and obey God 1st!
Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection (as members of one family). giving precedence and showing honor to one another.
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